Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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