There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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