I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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