Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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