Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
