my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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