make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
