She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Two words: nipple clamps
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