I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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