last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
