either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
