This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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