I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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