I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
