i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
