Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
