I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he laminated a picture of his dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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