Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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