Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
