have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
