She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
