i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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