if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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