Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
