she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
