he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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