if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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