What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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