pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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