so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
