$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
