I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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