...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
