Your mouth is God's brothel.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My life is pants optional.
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