No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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