I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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