I have demons in me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
