Sry I called you an 8
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize