Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
