Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
