i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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