I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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