Do you still have your period?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
