Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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