just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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