Christians are straight up FREAKS
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
