Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
