Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
