but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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