roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
