I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
