i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
