If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
