He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
