can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
