Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
