May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
