: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
