I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
