Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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