Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
