He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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